Stuff Brittney Says: People always ask me, "What are you?" Spanish? Italian? Hawaiian? Persian? Armenian? Puerto Rican? Albino Jamaican? ... I'm human, does it matter?

I’m getting married…


Well, I am signing a contract. Same thing, right?
The ol’ ball and chain being Charlotte … You’re stuck with me, for the next 3 years at least.

Apparently I have a face for radio, considering I was given the morning show slot on KISS 95.1 with Otis. As in Ace&TJ’s old time slot.
First order of business: speech therapy … and learn how to quickly fill some big shoes with my little ass feet. Oh, and go buy five more alarm clocks.

I was just sitting behind my computer writing my column, and then Otis shoved a microphone in my face, and before I know it we’re being offered our own morning show. And just like that, my whole life game plan changed.

I have always said that my motive for being an artist is to have a voice, so that I may use it for good. I got what I always wanted I guess, I just never imagined it would manifest in a literal sense, in a career in radio. So I am signing on the dotted line like a woman that just turned 30, ready to settle down.

Please bare with me as I figure out how to transcribe my writings to the spoken word. Like speaking in tweets, 140 characters or less. And without the luxury of editing and having a filter. I have already lost approximately $17 to Otis for saying the S or F words in conversation off the record.

This is going to be a challenge. But Tucker Max, my mentor and boss who didnt realize he’d be paying me in therapy sessions pending any major life decisions, said it best: “Someone wants to employ you to be YOURSELF. Not dumb cheerleader Brittney, not “Miss Brand Name,” or some reality TV whore. YOURSELF, without a mask. You couldn’t get a better deal.”

Speaking of masks, the comedy-theater symbol has two faces — one with a smile and one with a frown — for a reason, because all comedy comes from tragedy. I have been asked to take both masks off for this job, and it’s not going to be a cake walk (despite how often I walk around looking for cake).

Ironically, I went on that show Holidate where I switched places with a girl in Chicago, Patrycja. None of the dates worked out, but I made a true friend out of it. I met up with Patrycja last month while I was taking improv classes at Second City Chicago, and she said something to me that stuck with me, “You don’t need to leave to achieve. You owe it to the city of Charlotte that has given you a true feeling of home, to use your voice for that community.”
That is the motive for having a voice, so it only makes sense that I turn to radio as my craft. I am going to bring the PSAs back!
Here’s the announcement on ALL ACCESS
I wonder what 8pm bedtimes and 3:30am wake-ups are going to do for my love life?!